help?

i could use some cheering up & comfort. 心 疼 :/ 

whatever. the fuck with it.

whatever. the fuck with it. that's all i have to say.

hope for the best

1 Corinthians 13:1-8a & 13
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails....And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 

Just have to be stronger & have more faith. With compassion, patience, & hope in due time everything will be better. Stand up tall. Head up high. Be happy. Smile. Have confidence that everything will be fine. Even if all appears to fail trust in your heart that love will persevere in everything you do. Learn. Grow. Smile. All you can do at this point to guide is to model, and just hope & pray that in time one will value and reciprocate the same affection. Change takes time. Alvin, if you can be patient with children & babies you should be able to be patient with anything else in this world. 

A world full of anger, frustration, anxiety, grief, depression, pain ... can NEVER foster happiness in life or resolve anything. All it is going to do is beat you when you are already down. Pull yourself up. Smile & just make the best of everything. Sound simple enough right? Easy said than done, but you're going to have to do this for yourself, Alvin. You can no longer let any of these things deprive, control, and restrict you from fostering your own happiness towards life. Understand that we cannot always get what we want and that WE ALL have to work for our happy endings. This is life. Deal with it. Suck it up. Face the realities that fantasies no longer exist in life without true effort, patience, love, and compassion. 

This is truly a struggling journey in my life. Always fighting for the love i need. What can you do. Life is life. you just have to deal with the things that are given to you. Learn. Grow. There is no easy way out of anything in life if you want the very best. You have to work hard for something you want. No matter how much you wish to not work or put full effort in, obtaining what you truly want is hard work, whether you admit it or not. 

One thing I am willing to work hard for is love & anything that brings me a step closer to love. Love is something i know that is a must and essential in my daily life. Walking on this struggling journey in understanding this abstract and yet so essential need in life, is worth all my heart aches, pain, and suffering. i do believe that is the true meaning of love.   

 

falling :'[

I am falling again :'[. I am so tired of everything. In some ways I feel like I have failed in life. I can't even obtain my own happiness anymore. I feel lost, hurt, sad, & lonely. I don't know what to do about life anymore. I tried remaining positive and optimistic, but I am falling again and allowing life's obstacles to drag me down. I was not like this before. Why have I become this person (always feeling so emotional, down, and negative). Help me :'[. Anybody, please :[. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't help myself anymore. I don't want to be this weak anymore.

A old friend of mine has recently launched and started a project called regretbook. After exploring it, it really allowed me to reflect on how I am feeling about life. Check out my friend's web site (http://www.regretbook.com/)

This is one entry I have posted:

"I regret coming out to my family. Everything has changed. The way they look at me and treat me is not the same anymore. It really does affect my happiness, confidence, and contentment as an individual. When I am at home I feel that my rights, feelings and perspectives are denied, discarded, & unimportant. I may sound like I am stuck in adolescent egocentrism with a "personal fable", but I really am not if you were in my position. It really is depressing to always go home to have a sense of feeling that you are a disappointment to your family. I regret coming out. I try to be strong and cover my sadness with other things in life, but no matter what I can't seem to not let it deprive me from my own happiness. I'm sick of always feeling so down and emotionally unable about every little thing in life. I wish I have someone in my life to truly love me for who I am and share a happy life together. "

canvas

Today's paq of the day:
"Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can."
Danny Kaye

Brand new canvas everyday. Throw on, splash on, paint on the colors of your mood. We choose to make our day vibrant or gloomy. It is all about the attitude. Fix it. Change it. Do something with it to help oneself to live a much more fruitful lifestyle. Design your MASTERPIECE of the day. Start today with a new positive attitude toward life. Take a look at your masterpieces and ask yourself, "What do these paintings tell me? Am I happy? Am I depress/sad/mopey?"

I promised myself that I will no longer be pessimistic about every little thing anymore. Looking towards the optimistic things in life is much more realxing and happier. I can feel a TREMENDOUS difference in my energy level and how I feel overall. This is all very new to me. Of course, I would not just transform overnight. This will take me some time to change and adapt. Life has not really been all that easy. We all have our stories to tell. This is my rough survival journey. Maybe I am not alone. Maybe I don't have to go through this transition alone? I'm tired of allowing life to get the best of me when I am the one living the life. I'm just going to have to learn how to take life as it is and learn how to deal with it when it comes my way. Nothing is set in stones. Whatever happens, happens for a reason, right?

I finally LEARNED that all I can do is just be my happy self and HOPE for the best in everything, but at the same time be strong and independent. I am just going to have to refrain from my negative thoughts and EMOTIONS from hindering me from being happy. I am much happier. This positive attitude mentality is not all that bad.

Today is such a lovely day. The sun is out shinning bright, and the sky is clear and blueee. Learning to not care so much about the littlest things in life is such a wonderful and stress-free feeling! Yay! :]

I think I really can pull myself out of this darken hole that I have fallen and continued to fall in the past years. I promise I will be happy everyday :]. I can do this. Although, a little help of course would not hurt ;]

1st paq of the day

I know this is a rhetorical statement to imply; however, I am going to state the obvious anyways because it is a good reminder to me to live a happy and healthy lifestyle. Life is much more meaningful when we are happy.

 Life is too short to mope, and so simple to depict what we lack in life without appreciating what is right in front of us. Maybe having a positive attitude toward life may be the natural remedy in curing my daily fatigue and lethargic feelings. I am sick and tired of occasionally being depressed and so helpless with my emotions.

I want to go back to my old self when I once was a happy child who was able to put a smile on everyone’s face. Over these years, I finally see how much I have changed. Unfortunately, the person I have become was dramatically affected with years of accumulated caged emotions of feeling heavily burdened, lonely, empty, and helpless. I have drained myself BATTLING with my pessimistic attitude. This has got to stop.

Today’s positive attitude quote of the day:

“Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.” -- Francesca Reigler   

Happiness is an attitude that I need to change and improve. I need to get a hold of myself and STOP making myself feel so miserable about every little thing in life and be happy. I will be strong and independent and TRY my best to not allow FAILURES to take control of my life. Make every experience positive. Be optimistic. In every NEGATIVE respect there is a POSITIVE.

 :]

new me

From this day on forward I VOW to do my very best to have an optimistic attitude toward life. By doing so I will TRY my very BEST to pick a favorite "positive attitude quote" of the day as a reminder to help me to be strong and remain POSITIVE. I realized I have such a negative and pessimistic view of the world, despite all the daily melancholy events occurring around the world. I am going to TOTALLY change of be a WHOLE NEW person. Easy said than done right? Of course, it will take me time to alternate and accommodate to a positive mind-set.

 I, Alvin Chung Wing Moy, vow to live my life to its fullest and try my very best to be happy at all cost; moreover, learn to appreciate the littlest things in life and refrain from taking advantage of the things that have been given to me in life. 

New beginning. New life. New me.